There Should Be Sanctity In Marriage.

I recently read a few articles regarding Vice President Mike Pence and his decision to not dine alone with any woman who was not his wife. While I did see comments from people defending his decision, I saw more people bashing him for it and it really got me thinking. 

When I was a single gal who had just moved to KC to pursue a better life for myself, I made the decision to be completely, utterly, 100% single. I knew that I moved here out of obedience to what God told me to do and given my history, I understood this meant that I would need to set myself apart from any sort of relationships with the opposite sex. While I won't go into a ton of detail about that at this time, I will say this - not having one-on-one contact whether it be face-to-face, through social media or through text message with anybody of the opposite sex (with the exception of pastors, leaders, or family members) was the best decision I ever made. No, I didn't shun guys who tried to talk to me. I was still friendly when it came to group settings and would still have conversations when necessary, but not to the extent of compromising my safety or giving off any hint that I was interested in anything other than being acquaintances. 

When I started getting to know my now husband, Levi, we didn't have private conversations, we didn't text each other, and we had very few conversations through social media. 

Now Levi and I are 7 months into our marriage and we have developed very important boundaries when it comes to the safety and privacy of our marriage. Throughout our engagement and even up until now, we have taken the time to openly discuss these boundaries and do what we think is best to make sure that neither one of us slip into something questionable when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. To make things simple, I'll try to sum up a few of these boundaries.

1. Neither one of us ever engage in longer than necessary conversations with the opposite sex through text message or social media. 
1. Both of us have jobs that require that we interact with people of the opposite sex, therefore, it is necessary at times to have conversations, send emails, messages, etc to our co-workers. However, we do not carry these things over into our lives outside of work. We keep things focused on work and the specific matters at hand in order to get our jobs done.
2. There have been times when I have had brief text conversations with my brother-in-law or times where Levi had text conversations with our sisters-in-law, but again, those conversations are brief, to the point, and safe. Not that we have to worry about there being any sort of risque things going on between siblings, but it helps keep the boundaries in place.
2. Neither one of us ever make plans with anyone of the opposite sex.
1. Levi and I have a core group of friends, who are also couples, that we will make plans with every once in a while to get together for game nights, dinner, workouts, and so-on. With that being said, Levi will never make plans with the girlfriend/wife in that couple and I will never make plans with the boyfriend/husband in that couple. In many cases, we use a group text to communicate that involves all 4 parties so that there are no secrets. This keeps everything out in the open and safe for everyone involved.
3. Outside of close family members, Levi and I do not spend one-on-one time with people of the opposite sex, even in those cases, the time is minimal. 
1. Levi works in ministry, so there are times when he might be working with women here and there, but this doesn't happen outside of work and he is always sure to keep boundaries in place. He doesn't hide things from me regarding his interactions at work. I work in a male dominant job, meaning, the number of males are greater than the number of females. My position requires that I interact with our sales guys in order to send out proposals to prospective or existing customers and sometimes it requires that I interact with the other guys who work here as well. Again, I keep boundaries in place and I don't hide anything about my interactions at work. 

These are just a few of the ways that Levi and I make sure we protect the sanctity of our marriage and show each other value. Not to say that neither one of us aren't allowed to look at, speak to, or be around people of the opposite sex because that's not realistic, but we do know that we have to be aware of our words and actions around others. We don't walk around fearing that the other is going to develop a connection with someone of the opposite sex, but we are very aware that if we don't keep our lines of communication open, our relationship could be at risk. 

In marriage, communication, trust, and openness are key factors in keeping the relationship strong and healthy. Neither Levi nor myself hide our phones from each other, we don't delete text messages, Facebook messages, emails, etc. One, because we don't have anything to hide and two, because that leaves the door open for secrets, boundaries to be pushed, and for miscommunication to happen. When you value your relationship over your own personal 'privacy' you are setting yourself up for a better, healthier, happier marriage.

To summarize, I applaud Mike Pence for valuing his relationship with his wife and I think more of us should follow suit.