What Is Your Why?

Throughout my teenage and early young adult life, I never thought about why I did the things I did. I would make a choice or a decision based on situations or people around me. I let the world, people, entertainment, and media dictate the things I did or said. I never had a "why" for anything. There was never any substantial reason behind why I did certain things or made certain choices. I made choices and decisions based on what I thought was right or wrong because of the guidelines and rules other people had given me, not because of my own perception of right or wrong. 

It wasn't until I came to a place of complete brokenness and hopelessness that I received a "why" for my life. 

Before I came to Kansas City, to World Revival Church, I was dirty, full of shame, full of the world, following the trends and patterns of the young people around me whose lives were headed nowhere. I was walking around in grave clothes, watching my life pass me by. I was broken and isolated. I can't tell you how many fingerprints I had on me. I can't tell you how many soul ties I had. I can't tell you how many times I blatantly denied God. I can't tell you how often I made a choice to do things that I knew were wrong and dishonorable to God. I was promiscuous, wild, and vulnerable to the wrong people. I allowed every circumstance in my life to determine who I was and what my identity was. I lived off of my emotions and whatever situation I was in, that determined what my actions were. 

By the time I hit my 21st birthday in January of 2014, I was done with life. I was done just getting by. I was done with never being satisfied no matter what I tried. I was ready to give up on everything. I had contemplated suicide, but knew I would never have the guts to go through with it. The only option I had left was to go back to what was planted in me as a child; God. I gave in to my religion and handed over the reigns of my life. (I won't go into the story of how I ended up in KC, but you can check that out in my previous post here.)

What it all comes down to is this: God was my last resort, my only option, my only hope, there was nothing or no one else that could possibly rescue me. 

I didn't come to Kansas City, or more specifically, World Revival Church, because it was new to me. I didn't come to this place because it was exciting. I didn't come to this place to try and outrun my problems. I didn't come to this place to meet new people and make friends. I didn't come to this place to create a new life. I came to this place because it was life or death. I came to this place because I was on my way off the cliff, getting ready to slide right over the edge. I was in a death camp. I was in a hopeless situation and needed to be rescued. I came here because God was the only option I had. I had tried every other way. I had tried every other outlet. I didn't have any other choice. There were no other avenues to take. There was nothing left to explore. God was my very. last. resort. 

God. God was my "why." It wasn't religion, people, or a lifestyle. It was God. When people ask me why I'm here and why I came to WRC, I don't hesitate to tell them why. This place, my pastors, and church family saved my life. That is my why. That's why I come to church three times a week. That's why I read my bible and pray. That's why I get prayer after every church service. That's why I get excited to pay tithes and offerings to my church. That's why I soak in every sermon. What's your why?