Living Intentional In A Tough Season.

In my last post here, I made the announcement that I was no longer working a regular job and was working on building my own business. It has now been three months since I stopped working a job and began working for myself. I wish I could tell you all that business has been booming but I'd be lying. Starting a business is hard work. It's not easy to get your name out there, and it's not easy to actually get started when you don't have the means to do so. These last three months have been the most difficult season for Levi and I. Our marriage is great, there aren't any issues there, and we have almost made it through our first year of marriage, but financially we have been hit pretty hard. So far, we have survived. We aren't dead. We aren't starving. We aren't homeless. 

Making the decision to quit my job was a joint one. We thought long and hard about it, we prayed about it, and we both felt confident that was what we were supposed to do. My job wasn't a bad job, it just wasn't a good fit for me and ultimately, we still believe that me leaving was best for not only myself but for our relationship and the relationship I had with my bosses. However, we were not the best at financially planning for what was to come after I left. We realize now that we could have handled the situation better, but what's done is done and we can only move forward. 

I have been working fairly hard with the resources I have, but if I'm being 100% honest, I could be working harder. It's not easy being a stay-at-home anything, in my opinion. It's easy to snooze the alarm when it goes off in the mornings, even easier to shut it off altogether. It's easy to lay in bed for an hour or more catching up on Facebook and Instagram, etc. It's easy to take your time getting around. It's easy to watch three or more episodes of a show on Netflix even though you sat down with the intention of watching one episode while eating breakfast or lunch. It's easy to waste time. 

Levi and I have had some very honest conversations over the last few months, with each other, with pastors, with some of our family. We've had to ask for help, we've had to let go of our pride, and we've (mostly me) had to learn to be open to doing things differently. It's easy for me to think of all the reasons why something would not or could not work. I've got a very terrible "gift" of being able to make up an excuse for pretty much anything and everything under the sun. I am learning though that life cannot be done in our own strength. 

Over the last week, I have had to learn to let God really be in control of my life. I have had to let go of the excuses and fully trust that God has a plan and that things will work out, IF I really listen to the Holy Spirit and let Him lead my steps instead of doing what I think is best. I don't know if that means I need to get a job, whether it be full-time or part-time. I don't know if that means I need to work harder and use the resources I do have to really get my business going. I don't know what I need to do yet, but I do know that I am okay with that. 

I don't write this to ask for handouts or to gain anyone's pity. I will, however, ask for this: pray for Levi and I. Encourage us. Cheer us on. You all have no idea how much it means to the both of us to know that we have friends and family praying for us and encouraging us through this season. 

Accountability is vital for survival. To help you help me, I am going to end with this, my personal vow for each new day that comes. Feel free to check in on me, ask me how I'm doing, and keep me accountable. 

I purpose to wake up earlier in the mornings no matter how tired I might feel. I purpose to spend more time reading my Bible. I purpose to spend more time praying and communicating with God. I purpose to use the resources I have and put my hands to work with the gift that God has given me. I purpose to learn to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to what the Holy Spirit is trying to speak to me or show me. I purpose to create the best atmosphere in our home possible so that when my husband comes home after a long day of work, he can experience peace and rest. I purpose to spend less time filling myself with Netflix and more time listening to worship music, teachings and sermons. I purpose to be more involved in the lives of those around me and not be so inward. I purpose to live each and every moment of every day I am given to its highest potential. I plan to live each day with purpose and intention; to be more diligent with the things I can control. All it takes is a little bit of discipline, hard work, and a whole lot of Jesus.