Hi, My Name Is Shannae And I Am Addicted To Food.
Some of you may think this is silly, weird, or just plain stupid, and I get that. I thought it was stupid too when the thought popped into my head about writing a post regarding my eating habits. But it's really not. Today's culture is all about image. We are constantly judged, mocked, laughed at, etc. when it comes to what our bodies look like. I don't feel the need to elaborate on this, it's everywhere, we all know what I'm talking about. But let me tell you about my story with food.
As far back as I can remember, one of my longest running habits is eating when I'm bored. That's right, not because I'm hungry, but because I am BORED. I know I'm not alone here because I've seen this trend in my family and I've seen it in my friends throughout my entire life. The only thing different between when I was younger and now is that eating out of boredom actually affects me.
I've often found myself looking at Instagram or Facebook pages on fitness and wishing I could look like some of those people on there, but then kept on eating those pizza rolls, chocolate bars, and drinking Pepsi. (I drank so much pop when I was younger that I actually developed aluminum poisoning and was dubbed the "angry liver" by my brothers after our kinesiologist diagnosed me.) Half of my family is made up of Mexicans, which means any food that was fried was guaranteed to be a staple of our diets. As well as ALL the hamburger helper (thanks, mom :D).
Food has always been there. I loved food then and I love food now. I love all the sweets. But the real problem is that I just have no self control or discipline.
When I moved to KC almost 4 years ago, it wasn't long after I got settled in that my brother and sister-in-law, who I moved in with, told me that they were going to radically change their eating habits in order to get healthy out of necessity. They said I could either join them and split the grocery bill three ways, or plan my own meals and pay for all of my own groceries. I decided I would join them because I had nothing to lose; except maybe a few pounds. I was fresh out of a semester of constant fast food consumption, alcohol, and no exercise other than walking around my college campus so I was definitely not the petite girl I was in high school anymore.
So that was it, we began living a clean eating lifestyle. The first week was the worst week of my life. The food we were cooking always turned out bland and tasteless. Then, the second week we discovered that seasonings should be your best friend when eating clean. From the second week on, everything kept getting better and better. My body was finally detoxing all of the processed foods and junk and I began sleeping better and having more energy throughout the day. I was also losing weight. I also learned discipline. I had to be accountable to two other people, so I was not about to sneak sweet treats or any of the foods that we had eliminated, and I had zero problem saying no to the foods that literally weighed me down. As an added bonus, when I became disciplined in my eating habits, I became disciplined in other areas of my life too.
Fast forward to when I started dating my now husband. I slowly began eating processed foods, enjoying sweet treats, and indulging in fast food again. After we got engaged I kept telling myself that once we got married I would start up my clean eating habits again. If that's not one of the biggest lies I've ever told myself...
We've been married over a year now and I can't tell you how many times I have tried to cut out processed sugars and foods, but then made an excuse for eating that lasagna or having that piece of cheesecake. Special occasions seem to happen far more often when you are trying to eat healthy.
But here I am now, an utter failure at eating healthy and taking care of my body. Feeling tired most of the time and hating the way my body looks in 90% of my clothes. So why am I just now admitting that I have a problem? Because I'm tired of always complaining to my husband that I have nothing to wear because nothing fits. I'm tired of dealing with an upset stomach all the time. I'm tired of complaining but doing nothing to change my circumstances. And because I recently came across a book by Lysa TerKeurst called Made To Crave and it is absolutely blowing my mind.
In her book, some of the first things Lysa says are "we crave what we eat" and "God made us to crave." The paragraph that really caught my eye and helped transform the way I think about and look at food is this:
Yes, we were made to crave---long for, want, greatly, desire eagerly, and beg for---God. Only God, But Satan wants to do everything possible to replace our craving for God with something else. Here's what the Bible says about this: "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, he love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world---the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does---comes not from the Father but from the world" (1 John 2:15-16).Never, not once in my life, did I ever consider that the grip food had on me could be something spiritual. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I would wake up in the morning and think about what I was going to eat for breakfast, then think about what I would eat for lunch and dinner. Plus, I would spend all day thinking about what snacks we had in the house that I could eat. It has been a real problem for me. Until now because this book is changing my life. I'm finally at a point where I can admit that food is a problem for me and that I need to make changes. I'm no stranger to meal plans, grocery shopping, and the time it takes to cook meals at home. This time, eating clean isn't about losing weight for me, do I expect that to happen? Yes, absolutely. However it's not just about that. I realize now that I need to be healthy so that I can be the person I am supposed to be and do the things I am supposed to do. I need to be healthy for my husband, for our future kids, and for my mental well being.
It's only been a couple of days that I've been doing this now and I know I have a few days ahead of me where it will get extremely hard to not give into my cravings, but I also know there is a day coming when I'll wake up and feel fantastic and not have those crazy cravings come at me. Each and every day, I will have to continue to make smart choices, but I've done it before and I know I can do it again.
If you are also struggling with an addiction to food or just need your thoughts retrained on how to think about food, I highly, HIGHLY recommend Lysa's book.
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